“He Has Aspergers” and Everything Else I Never Wanted To Hear About My Son

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

Do you hear that?

Come closer.

That’s the sound of my heart breaking.

My son has always loved the ocean. His eyes are the color of the sea, changing from blue to green with the swell of the tide.  And my love for him is an ocean, an overwhelming force which is sometimes calm and steady, and other times full of conflict.

A mother’s love is like the continuous miracle of the sea. It begins in the ocean of your womb – but there is something unsettling about the way your baby kicks. So fiercely you feel bruised on the inside.

There is something willful and stubborn about his refusal to come out. He arrives weeks late, and even then – after almost 40 hours of labor.

Your baby is overwhelming and mysterious and brutal, like the ocean. He screams uncontrollably for hours a day, every day. And you bring him to…

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Trauma Bonding

Truly identifiable!

SociopathHell.Com

Trauma Bonding occurs in various forms with a Narcissistic Sociopath. And each of these forms are so detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being. This article is specifically for adults in a relationship. Child Trauma Bonding will be another post.

• Cognitive Dissonance~ this happens when you have 2 different thoughts about the same thing, ‘this relationship is abusive i need to get out…….i need to stay and make this relationship work. In order to rectify this cognitive dissonance you make excuses or justify the abuser ‘i know they love me, why can’t they show me. They were such a great person in the beginning, if i just stick with it maybe things will change.
• Whiplash Effect ~ you are depending heavily on the treatment from the abuser. If your ‘nice’ maybe they will be ‘nice’ The narcissistic Sociopath’ becomes the deliverer of good or bad treatment, and when good treatment comes, there is so…

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When the Narcissist goes All “Schrodinger’s Cat” on You

When the Narcissist goes All "Schrodinger's Cat" on You.

Instincts…..

Believe in the power of your instinct.  Follow it.  Even if it painful to do so.
It will not let you down. It will be proven. Just you wait and see…..

I let myself down. I didn’t follow. I didn’t want it to be proven. What was proven was the fact that I should have believed in its power and reliability.

I spent 5 precious years if my life with someone who, if you wanted to label him, was a narcissist.

“Get ready for the ride of your life” the text buzzed at me. I laughed to my friend about it. How corny!

I had met this charismatic and gorgeous man on my commute. A little wish to myself on my walk to the station each morning that he would be on the platform. A few words here and there. Small talk whilst pushing onto the train. Little leaps of my heart every time our shoulders brushed in the crowd.

“Oh, he’s like a cross between Daniel Craig and Steve McQueen” I crowed to my friend.

I was looking forward to moving house but disappointed about my change of commute. The end of opportunity…. I had packed my apartment ready for the move over the bank holiday and tired, I started my last few days on that same commute.

“Good weekend?” He asked. “Been packing up my home – this is my last week living in this town”, I responded.

“Oh, no,” he exclaimed. “I won’t see you any more. Would you like to go for a drink some time before you go? Give me your number….”

My knees were weak. I turned into a dizzy, blithering idiot. But, I managed, somehow to give him my number.

Within minutes of departing my phone buzzed. A message. “You have a sexy arse.     I am a dirt dog. Will you be my dirty bitch”.

I was shocked at his boldness which was entirely mismatched with the polite small-talking smart-dressing, smart-looking man on platform 2. No man had ever spoken to me in that way. But….. Well…. I was so very flattered. HE fancied me. HE wanted me. HE was different. HE was the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. And HE was paying me such attentions. I was gone. Well and truly gone. And that was just the start of it. The ‘ride of my life’, in more ways that I could have imagined…….

Queen of Wands

queenofwands63

Who is she? The card depicts a Queen upon her throne. See the lions either side of her depicting strength. The sunflowers signify life and satisfaction. You will see the wand is beginning to blossom. A charismatic, attractive, confident and kind woman who knows what she wants and where she is going. Is that me? Maybe. It is who I would like to feel confident I am. The card depicts my current position – a new stage of development – seeing where I have been, and been wrong, and where I am now going. I have the lions strength of character to shape my future and to do so with grace and kindness. That is, if I can rid myself of the self doubt that has dogged my recent years. My story is of a life governed by a sinister charm.

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Queen of Wands

Who is she? The card depicts a Queen upon her throne. See the lions either side of her depicting strength. The sunflowers signify life and satisfaction. You will see the wand is beginning to blossom. A charismatic, attractive, confident and kind woman who knows what she wants and where she is going. Is that me? Maybe. It is who I would like to feel confident I am. The card depicts my current position – a new stage of development – seeing where I have been, and been wrong, and where I am now going. I have the lions strength of character to shape my future and to do so with grace and kindness. That is, if I can rid myself of the self doubt that has dogged my recent years. My story is of a life governed by a sinister charm.